And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
