And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
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I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
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My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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