i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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