Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
