farters have to be the big spoon...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
