Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
