I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
