in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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