So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
