There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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