Nicole vs. Life
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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