a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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