You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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