i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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