She is in my trunk
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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