You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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