who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
