how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
