she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
