I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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