Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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