Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i drank out of a bidet.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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