Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
