so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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