So gin and wine won't be happening again
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
