If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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