I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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