i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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