Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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