Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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