Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
