I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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