I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
