i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
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Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
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Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped