woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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