I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
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Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
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As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks