I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT