Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in