Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
