Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
