My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
