I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
