like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
