my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
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