i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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