Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
