You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
