why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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