when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
