I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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