I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
