and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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