Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
