bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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