oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
