There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
no. you can't hotbox the world.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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