i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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