hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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