isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
