i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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