I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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