Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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