I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
