The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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