your parents love me but you hate me
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Randomize
