I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
