The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
