So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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