That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
