new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
