I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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