He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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