Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
