Swine flu. Run for my life!
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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