No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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