i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
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