i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
