Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
