I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
