i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
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puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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