Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
