You're my little dorito
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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