my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
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she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
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I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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