mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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