Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
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