He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
