Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize