Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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